My last article’s title alluded to a sequel. Well, here it is; however, upon further
reflection, I realized that an overly condensed vocabulary, such as the one I began
creating with my first article, would diminish the wonderful embellishments which make
this “job” worthwhile. Let’s face it; the really fun part of reviewing songs is coming up
with adjectives to describe them. Sometimes I become very silly and use metaphors. Tee
Hee! But only when I inhale too deeply or stand up really fast. I digress.
To follow up my last article, I decided to go straight to the meat of the article. I wasn’t so
much interested in coming up with a stupid, frivolous, elitist vocabulary, as I was with
making fun of internet electronica producers. Sigh. (Dave reflects for a moment on the
irony of this article. Reflecting time over. Visit my website! www.mp3.com/acidtoad !!)
Here we go peeps!
When hunting for a good laugh at the expense of internet producers, I first look at the
name. The best ones are people who call themselves Dj something-or-other. Dj
Superneat! Or something…. Hello?! You are a Dj of NoThInG! You spin no vinyl! Go
home. Delirious Jackass. (Notice the first letters in Delirious Jackass are the same as in
Dj. I make a funny!) Also, much enjoyment may be found from producers whose names
don’t make sense. Like: Final Reduction, or Dance Love Engine. Usually, these
producers are Russian or Hungarian and are trying to increase their target audience by
having an English website. Invariably, their only real audience is their friends who are
forced to listen to it. I’m not trying to make fun of anyone’s English skills, but seriously,
some producers would be better off sticking to their native tongue.
That said, the next best thing is the terrible translations found on websites from Europe.
You thought AYBABTU was funny? (Which, by the way, wasn’t THAT funny) Well
then check out some of the song descriptions and artist infos at mp3.com. I can’t
guarantee you’ll pee you’re pants, but then, AYBABTU apparently got a few jeans wet, so
Here’s my (shallow, I know) imitation:
Artist Info: I have made the techno for long time. You can enjoy my music now, or
when ever you listen to it. It is romantic and funny. You can listen while you think.
Song description: Most dancing song ever!!! It will make you romantic about your body.
Okay! Enough. Doubtless, there are a million examples of English speakers fucking up
someone else’s beautiful language, so I won’t pursue this shallow attack any further.
Man alive! This article is hella-long. I’ve got a ton of other stuff to add, but I guess it
will have to wait for part 3! Stay tuned…
Dave in Port Moody