Ally Torian is a nerd at band camp. You know, BAND CAMP???????
GOM: So, you’re at band camp?
Ally Torian: Yeah.
GOM: Is it pretty crazy there? Eh?
Ally Torian: Yeah. Great answer, huh? God. *laughs*
GOM: What instrument do you play?
Ally Torian: Clarinet.
GOM: Have you played your instruments backwards recently?
Ally Torian: No. It’s not possible because you’d bite the reed. Ohhh!
GOM: Are you saying that the information provided by the American classic movie “American Pie” is fraudulent?
Ally Torian: Yes. And I don’t think anybody would actually stick their flute up theri *EDIT*. Right?
GOM: Have you done that yet? I mean, with your clarinet?
Ally Torian: Oh, gosh, that would hurt! NO!
GOM: In conclusion, would you give a statement beginning with “One time, at band camp…”?
Ally Torian: One time, at band camp, I slept with an alien. There’s this alien that you dress up and you sleep with it.
GOM: Wonderful. This concludes the interview. Any final words of advice to other viewers aspiring to be band camp nerds too?
Ally Torian: Take a phone card with more than sixty minutes.
This has been an actual interview conducted with a band camp nerd. She might be heard later remarking to her friends, “One time, at band camp, I did an interview over the phone with some guy.” This was really stupid and pointless, no? But I hope you had as much fun as I did.